†turning back

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When I realized my mistakes, I started to turn back home.  I know the sun will have to go back to rest sooner or later...but I just wish somebody will shine light to my path in the midst of searching for me.

Who am I  kidding though?  I know there will nobody waiting.  Who waits for someone who has already given up on himself?

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Five years ago, you said I would understand if I grew up. 

So I tried. 

Left behind everything I know and started climbing life, one step at a time.  I tried, but every step made it harder to breathe, every step made it harder to see, every step made life harder to live.

All of a sudden, all eyes shifted on me waiting for me to slip and fall.  I know they're waiting...because it's comforting to watch someone take the wrong turn. 

It really is..especially when they come running back to you begging for mercy.  I'm sure you've done it, it's just too simple to watch someone crumble.

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From all I've been through, I can really say one thing I've learnt that has stuck is that people are cruel.  Nobody ever understands, so I thought I wouldn't fall to their standards.

So I put on a pair of sunglasses everywhere I go trying to hide who I am inside, changing myself completely.

I am no longer who I was, I am no longer who you thought I would become and I am no longer who I say I am.

"Who are you?" you ask...

Even you don't recognize me anymore.

I've come to realize what we say, what we do, how we act are all lies. 

Just like second chances. 

Nothing we say or do mean shit.  Maybe it's the shade of my sunglasses that makes my vision darker...but my second chance faded before I could get to it.

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Go ahead: spit on me while I lay there in the dark- anybody else would...

Strike me with all your force until I never get back up - I won't be able to see who it is anyway...

I know you don't want me to get back up - neither do I, but I don't get to choose...

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Someone told me I'd understand if I grew up...Maybe I'm not grown up yet - maybe that's a myth, maybe I'm not grown up yet...

But I'm turning back now hoping someone will still see good in me, hoping someone hasn't given up on me, hoping someone is still there.

*

I'm heading home now, hopefully before the sun returns to rest...

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