†
*
He sat in front of the computer, staring hopelessly into the screen, daydreaming about those dreams he once had as a child. He picked up his sweater, his phone, a smoke and shuffled his stuff around for a lighter.
Click click...didn't seem to work. Damn it, where the hell did all my other lighters go? Those darned things didn't cost at all to replace, but the nuisance it became annoying to him. Whatever...he went to his roommate's drawer, pulled it out slowly, careful not to awake the snoring thing and grabbed whatever that would ignite.
The stars stare down at the world, a world hopeless and lost. Every night, he stared right back up hoping one day somebody would answer those questions of the unknown. But he didn't know that every time he gazed at the lights, every single one of them responded, twinkled and gave hope, but he couldn't see.
Sighing, he wondered why he was so inspired by nature, but others not. He believed somebody out there was watching over, but what would he know about if the others disagreed. For many years, he pondered upon reasons of life. The very thought of the unknown attacked his life, disorganizing himself from the habitual.
Reach to the stars, your dreams wait for you to explore.
**
Beep.
It was her again. What now? There was no stopping this one. He ran and hide any moment he could. He light his cigarette and thought about it for a second There was no excuse for not replying anymore, he's tried so hard. He switched his view to his phone, shining brightly in an ugly winter day.
She wrote: So...how ws ur dai? Herd u got a assign.. due tmr.
He really couldn't be bothered: ye, working on it now
Beep... almost instantly, she wrote back: K sry 4 boderin u. ttyl :)
He had a dream with her, too. If you knew about it, you'd think it's foolish. Sometimes following your heart does no good for anybody, not even yourself. Underneath those layers of forgiveness and understanding, revenge still shook hands with him. It ran through his blood and thought. Every pump of his heart, a wave of hatred ran though him. But that was a few months ago Every time she came in contact, he started to lose a part of what's already minimal hold on life.
He sat in a bench and looked into the darkness and meditated. He breathed in slowly as his body heavily rose, and exhaled as everything starts rushing through his mind. He lost control too many times. He did the unthinkable, he went against his own values, himself. No...he didn't have a dream, not any longer. Restore hope with optimism and watch your life crumble into bits and hit the rock, hard hell. He saw the future, he know things that somebody above will take care of everything. Somebody who held control on his life.
Inhale what life holds for you now.
***
He felt heat at his fingers and quickly looked down: the cigarette was almost done and seven minutes passed. Seven minutes of thought, tossed and topped to the perfection, when it shattered by a call from reality, if that's what it's called.
There he was, back into his old position. Staring into the colourful screen, hoping to be inspired as he groaned as he knew what he was doing will patch up those little holes left in by life. He started working, and writing and writing. He wants to fill his brains with whatever the world can offer, taking his mind off life.
Somewhere out there, there has to be somebody like me. He never understood relationships and he thought the never worked out. Nobody ever fully understood him, not like we can understand people anyway.
****
Every single day, outlooks changed and the future looked so uncertain. How could he expected to lay out the rest of his life? It never made sense to him. Life is like the biggest multi task...what to do...what to do...
Dreams...what makes them so abstract?
Psh, dreams...false hope.
He was thinking of the conversation with his best friend the other day. A certain truth was revealed to him. He'd never thought that this could be possible....but he too, probably had a dream for life.
*****
He wanted to call her. He needed to talk. He craved the comfort. It was true, he did not know how to live without her existence. But the other half of him tranquilized his emotions and held him down before he embarked onto a journey he would regret.
He wanted to escape. Escape a beautiful life with an utopic dream...
Why?
Because dreams change, every single moment, along side with every single person who think about a simple thing like life.
He walked slowly towards the forest that night, leaving behind his dreams, his confusions, his emptiness as these motions transfered upon another person. He crept slowly into the darkness and disappeared. It wasn't until a week later when this other person realized that somebody was missing...or that something was missing.
******
†
